Team Lucas (The Saints Team #1) Read online

  “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

  “My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.

  “For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.”

  He paused for effect and a slight grin as Jase increased the tempo. I tingled all over; his deep voice, the way he paced the lines. Jessica clasped Cam’s hand, her eyes huge with delight. Lucas turned to Sarah to deliver the next stanza:

  “I love thee to the level of everyday's

  “Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

  “I love thee freely, as men strive for Right.

  “I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.”

  He stopped again allowing Jase to play an interlude. You could have heard a pin drop.

  Lucas frowned, trying to recall the next line.

  Jessica stepped in: “I love thee with the passion put to use...” she said.

  He nodded and picked it up again, delivering each line like he felt it, like he was recalling it for his mother or his brother:

  “I love thee with the passion put to use

  “In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.”

  He turned to face me in his chair for the last stanza. I think I stopped breathing.

  “I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

  “With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

  “Smiles, tears, of all my life;

  and, if God choose...”

  He stopped, drew a deep breath and delivered the last line:

  “I shall but love thee better after death.”

  Jase strummed a few bars and finished. There was a silence for only a minute and then we erupted in cheers and clapping.

  Lucas grinned and shrugged—it was a slight movement and a shy look that filled me with tenderness for him.

  “Yeah, thanks, whatever. Can’t believe I can remember crap I learned a hundred years ago and have forgotten last week’s training drill.”

  Jessica gave him the warmest look she had mustered for him all night. “You remembered nearly every word.”

  He shrugged. “It’s my mother’s favorite. We used to recite it for her for birthday even though it sounded ridiculous on the lips of kids.”

  It sounded perfectly beautiful on the lips of an adult Lucas.

  During the night I caught him looking at Jase and Sarah, or at Cam and Jessica. His eyes softened and he looked distanced, a little sad. Then he would see me watching him or be called into a conversation and he would return from the unguarded moment and all the walls would go back up.

  Chapter 31

  I don’t know how it happened but I left Lucas for five minutes and he hit the ground.

  The living area is open plan and I had my back to the deck as Jessica and I wiped the dishes and chatted to Sarah while she washed the plates. The guys were on the deck trying one of Jase’s cigars—Sarah said it was his thing—expensive imported cigars, many of them supplied by Lucas from his travels. Lucas had a port with the cigar, his first and only drink for the night and within our ‘rules’.

  Next thing, Cam was yelling out for Jessica to get his bag from the car and Lucas was lying on the deck, blood trickling from his forehead where he must have hit it on the landing. Jase was trying to undo the buttons on his shirt so Cam could get to his chest.

  “What have you been taking?” Cam snapped.

  Lucas shook his head. He was having trouble breathing let alone getting words out.

  Sarah and I raced towards them but Cam held up his hand for us to stay back. Lucas looked as if he was convulsing but he had no history of that; I knew from his medical information that I saw before taking his tests.

  “He’s been clean every day,” I told Cam.

  Lucas struggled to breathe and tried to get up as Cam and Jase held him down.

  “Mia, run down to his bathroom and bedroom,” Cam ordered. “See if you can find anything he’s taking... pain killers, drugs for muscle pain, blood pressure, anything and bring it up.”

  I nodded and took off down the stairs at lightning speed. I ran into Lucas’s larger-than-life bathroom, opened his cabinet and grabbed what I saw: aspirin, a few different vitamins and that was about it. I looked under the sink, nothing. I ran to his bedroom and checked the bed stands. Nothing on the top. I pulled open the two drawers. The top one had another packet of drugs in it. I glanced at the label—medicated and issued to him, that was a relief. I grabbed it and seeing his training bag in the corner, I rummaged through that too. No drugs. I ran back up the stairs.

  When I arrived, Lucas was propped up against the wall with Jase restraining him. Cam placed one hand on Lucas and barked at him: “Luke for once in your life, do what you’re fucking told and stay down.”

  Jessica dropped beside her husband with his medical bag; she had done this before. He rummaged through it putting an injection together superfast.

  I ran over and dropped beside him with my assortment of drugs.

  “Read me the labels,” he said.

  I read them out. Beside me Lucas was pale and clammy, still wheezing for breath.

  “Right, good, thanks Mia,” Cam said after hearing my findings. He stuck the injection into Lucas’s thigh.

  “No-one panic,” Cam said, “it’s an allergic reaction, an odd one. That’s just a dose of epinephrine.” He looked up at Sarah. “Can I get a wet hand towel and something to wipe the blood?”

  “Sure,” Sarah said and ran towards the bathroom.

  Thank God Sarah and Jase had given me the insider information on Lucas or I would have thought they were all a bit whacko, but I could understand now how any possibility of a relapse by Lucas would send them all reeling.

  Lucas’s breathing came back under control. He looked as if he had done a hundred laps of a running track. Sarah returned with two facecloths and, after giving one to me, she placed the other on his neck and chest to cool him. I wiped the blood from his forehead.

  Cam studied it. “You won’t need stitches. Good thing you’ve always had a thick head.” Lucas groaned, it was the best he could manage.

  Cam put a plaster on Lucas’s cut forehead. He nodded towards the packets of medicine. “Should have told me you were on these,” he said to Lucas.

  “Club supplied,” Lucas said.

  “Does he need to go to the hospital?” Jessica asked her doctor husband.

  Cam shook his head. “No, but don’t even think about trying to get up yet.” He pushed Lucas back against Jase. “Just give it twenty minutes or so and then if you’re okay, we’ll get you to bed. Someone needs to stay with you tonight though. I could stay...” He looked to me.

  I shook my head. “I’ll be here. I’ll just set myself up in his guest room.”

  “Prefer you stay in the same room, sorry,” Cam said, seeing my face at that suggestion. “Can you?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “I’m okay,” Lucas mumbled.

  “You will be,” Cam said. “Mia, watch him for dizziness; slow or difficult breathing and any unusual behavior like memory problems. Any of that, call an ambulance.”

  “Got it,” I said. I looked at Lucas. “So if he forgets to give me a hard time?”

  Cam grinned. “Yeah, while that might be unusual, leave that until tomorrow before calling an ambulance.”

  I looked at Lucas. “Seriously, you’ll do anything for attention.”

  Lucas managed a faint smile as everyone enjoyed a laugh to break the tension.

  *****

  An hour later everyone had left and Lucas lay on his king-sized bed that I had to share for the night—poor me. He didn’t have the energy to give me much stick which made for a pleasant change. I had Cam’s number as well in case Lucas felt worse.

  Lucas was stripped to his fitted, black boxer-briefs, no shirt. Like I’m going to get any sleep, I thought. At least I’d got an excuse: I had to watch him and watch him I would.

  I studied his sleeve of ta
ttoos. He had a huge set of broken wings dominating his shoulder. There was a heart broken in two, the letter ‘L’ looped and broken, a chain snapped with the smaller pieces falling—everything was a half symbol, every tattoo was broken, just as he had lost half of himself when his twin died.

  I listened for his breathing, which was steady and relaxed. It was nearly midnight and a good couple of hours or so since he hit the floor, literally. He groaned beside me. I looked over to check on him but he was still asleep. Lucas’s color had returned but he had a huge bruise on his forehead and it had clearly taken a toll on him. He had been drowsy since he went down.

  He mumbled a name and I leaned closer to hear it. Which model was he asking for I wondered. I guessed he wouldn’t be asking for his mom given he hadn’t lived at home since he was ten. He mumbled it again... it sounded like Lane. He rolled over in my direction, his eyes fluttered and he saw me.

  “Mia.”

  “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  “Wiped out. Thirsty,” he said.

  “I’ll get you some water.” I rose, went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. I came back and he propped himself up on one elbow and drank it. He finished the glass and lay back down. I took it from him and sat beside him. In a rare show of vulnerability, Lucas Ainswright moved closer to me. I lowered myself in the bed and hesitantly stroked his hair. He let me do it again, this time without flinching. He closed his eyes. It was the most perfect face: chiseled cheekbones, strong jaw, kissable lips and long dark lashes hiding the clearest pale blue eyes.

  “Lucas...” I whispered.

  “Mm?” he said.

  “Who’s Lane?” I asked.

  His body stiffened but he didn’t open his eyes. Frown lines appeared on his forehead.

  “Lane,” he said in a low, soft voice that I struggled to hear. “Why?”

  “You were saying the name,” I said.

  “Lane was my twin.”

  Lucas and Lane Ainswright. The two ‘L’s on his arm made sense now.

  “He died,” Lucas said. “He was...” His voiced cracked and he stopped talking.

  I kept stroking his hair and forehead softly. He moved closer to me, pulling his pillow against my hip, his head resting in my lap. He threw his arm across my legs. If this was heaven, I had arrived.

  “Were you identical?” I asked knowing they were but I wanted to keep him talking about it, to get him to let down his guard a little and maybe even trust me a little. I wonder if Lucas had ever been vulnerable or let down his guard with a woman other than his friends, Sarah and Jessica.

  He smiled, but kept his eyes closed; he was in that blissful state of half a sleep.

  “Identical,” he said, “but he was better—smarter, good, kind.” He swallowed and said drowsily. “I was always getting him into trouble. Not the last time though, it was an accident.”

  Lucas’s hand made a fist as he released and unreleased the sheet. I stroked him, moving my hand down his arm, relaxing him until his body un-tensed. I wanted to know what happened but I didn’t want to ask. Jase had told me earlier Lucas wouldn’t talk about it. He’d only ever mentioned it to them once in all the time they knew him.

  “Do you still miss Lane?” I asked.

  I saw Lucas’s eyelashes flutter, and his frown deepened. He didn’t speak. I took a deep breath and put my head back on the pillow, my hand methodically stroking him.

  “It was an accident,” he said again. I didn’t move, I just kept doing what I was doing and waiting for Lucas to trust me with more details.

  “We just had our tenth birthday, and we were coming back from my uncle’s farm. Lane and I, we were in the car with our cousin. Dad and Mom were driving in the car behind.”

  He stopped, his grip tightened around my legs as he rested his head on my lap, but he didn’t open his eyes. I watched his profile, and saw his lashes were wet.

  “This car came from the other direction too fast and my cousin veered. I hit the dash and got knocked out cold. My cousin died at the wheel. Lane... he was in the backseat and he went through the windscreen. He survived a few hours. Mom and Dad saw it all. She had a breakdown.”

  Tears ran down my face. I wanted to pull him close to me but I knew Lucas well enough to know he would have pulled away.

  “What became of the other driver?” I asked.

  “Died,” he mumbled.

  And then Lucas slept.

  Chapter 32

  I woke and for a few moments I had no idea where I was—just like the first year at college. I quickly got my bearings; I was in Lucas’s bed, a big improvement on some of the places I’ve woken up. Lucas was not beside me. I glanced to the clock and it read just after seven. I must have got about four hours sleep all up. I could hear Lucas downstairs, so he obviously survived the night when I finally did doze.

  I knew he was going to be aloof and give me a hard time today. Sarah’s words constantly circled in my mind anytime that Lucas let me in: “if he feels like he is beginning to trust you, he’ll push you away.” Let’s not kid ourselves, last night he gave me the mother lode of trust talk. Today was going to be hell. I was going to circumnavigate it... pretend nothing had changed between us.

  I silently rose. The plan—to sneak downstairs before he realized I was gone. Despite my heavy head—from lack of sleep not booze—I wanted to go for a light run and think about everything from last night’s wonderful dinner party to how it ended. It was so great being part of that group, even if it was only short-term.

  I had a quick glance in the mirror—the room was full of mirrors—my hair was always better first thing in the morning, wild and full. Some days I tried really hard not to brush it but it is like being polite, you know you have to do it, along with brush your teeth and put on clean underwear.

  I sneaked down the internal stairs. I could see him to my right, in the kitchen—he was only wearing those fitted black boxers. What a great ass, back, shoulders... for God’s sake keep moving. I almost got to the bottom of the stairs and our adjoining door when right in front of me, a loud rap sounded on the front door. I yelped and leapt a foot.

  “I’ll get it,” I called out since I was there and I had been sprung trying to escape.

  “Mia?” I heard Lucas say as he looked down the stairs.

  I opened the door and found Cam making a house call.

  “Morning, Mia, I just dropped in to see how the patient is this morning.” Cam grinned.

  “Morning, Dr. Cam.” I stood aside and let him in. “He’s alive and kicking.”

  “Just how we like them,” he said. “I’ll give the club a call today and let them know about his reaction.”

  “That would be great, thank you. You know the way,” I said and gave him a wave as I disappeared into my own wing.

  Fantastic timing; I slipped on my running gear, tied my hair back and got out while the doctor was still in the house and Lucas was distracted.

  *****

  It felt good to be running again, good to be in my own space. No matter what happened with guys and trust me, Ben and I had broken each other’s hearts a thousand times, I always had my running—my time alone to feel good, feel my body and be with nature. I totally got it when Alice said hot yoga was like sex without the morning after.

  I didn’t quite know where to go now with Lucas. If he was warmer with me, I would be warmer with him, otherwise I was going to pretend nothing had happened, but it had. I saw a whole new side to Lucas with his friends and later, a vulnerable side that made him so adorable and human. How did I deal with that? Did I just go back to telling him he’s a bighead or a dick as usual? I guess that could work.

  My thoughts went round in loops—no, I was going to leave it entirely in his hands and see what he did—I knew Lucas Ainswright and I knew what he’d do. He’d treat me like shit. He’ll snap a few commands at me, I decided. He’ll invite a model around tonight to show me that he’s in control and he’ll ignore me at train
ing.

  Sigh, the drama with Ben was looking like kindergarten stuff by comparison.

  I was so busy in thought I forgot to take in the day: the gorgeous blue of the ocean and the smell of salt air. I didn’t realize either that someone was running nearby. I glanced around but couldn’t see anyone, but I had heard their tread. It’s the curse of the woman jogger—having to be alert all the time. I went around the next bend and glanced back. There were lots of trees and curves on the path but I couldn’t see anyone.

  It was not long after seven a.m. so a few people were around on the grass and beach doing sit-ups or walking but most joggers were done by now, home and getting ready for work. There it was again, a figure in my peripheral vision. Shit, shit, shit. Don’t tell me it was another photographer or weirdo fan, I hadn’t recovered from the last one yet.

  I increased my pace. When I got to the top of the bend I would come out onto the road and be more visible, as there would be passing traffic. My heart was going a hundred miles an hour. I glanced behind. I heard a sound and saw someone this time. It could just be a jogger who would run past me any minute, but I wasn’t going to stop and risk it.

  My jog became a sprint. I could hear the footsteps now and I could see the bend to the road. Please God, please God, I prayed. I didn’t want to be that headline tomorrow. Fucking men. A hand touched my shoulder and I screamed and wheeled around.

  “What the fuck?” Lucas held up his hands. “Will you wait for me already?”

  I bent over, taking huge gulps of air.

  “Why did you sneak out?” He stood in front of me.

  I rose and gave him a good shove which was no mean feat when you are shoving six-foot-three and one-sixty-five pounds of muscle. He stumbled back about a foot, regaining his footing.

  “You idiot,” I screamed at him. And then I kept pounding him, my hands hitting his chest.

  “What? Stop! What the hell is wrong with you?” Lucas grabbed my wrists and tried to stop me. I pulled away and got a few more good chest hits in.